Growing a Healthy Family Holistically
Monday, April 27th, 2009
Three Generations of A Healthy Family!
Have you ever felt like you wanted to run down the street screaming thinking that you were a lousy parent and just couldn’t take it any more?
I know I have felt that way.
I remember as a new mom being desperate for someone to talk to and to share my angst with.
As I was pondering what I wanted to say in this blog, I was reminded of my time in health care where there are 2 quite distinct systems, the conventional system, where the Dr. is considered the “expert” and the complementary or alternative system where the client or patient is considered to have the innate ability to heal and is wise, strong and does not need fixing.
I was reminded also of the wonder of nature where whole systems exist in equilibrium and balance and sometimes get out of balance too.
Here then is my definition of a healthy family; a healthy family is a natural system where all members are important and valued, where it is acknowledged that the family has wisdom and intuition, where there is a sense of balance and equilibrium even in the midst of seeming chaos such as sleepless nights and teething and illness and adolescent experimentation. A healthy family builds and holds emotional equity, lives together and plays together and most importantly is nourished by the “love spirit”.
You may be thinking, well this all sounds great, how do we get there?
I used the word “holistic” in the title and this term traditionally refers to the mind, body, spirit and emotions.
Each of these four areas is important in growing a healthy family holistically.
Our physically bodies are the easiest to monitor and kids are very good at letting parents know when they are not feeling well, or our out of balance. As a parent, it is our role to be attentive to their messages and know how to interpret these. It is also our role to model healthy behaviours for our kids.
Our mental bodies need intellectual stimulation and new experiences. Young Children naturally nourish their “mental bodies” through curiousity, exploration, learning and play. Many grown ups lose their ability to play, and this is one of the joys of being in a family with kids, the kids remind us to lighten up, loosen up and have fun. As grown ups we tend to get mental stimulation from our work, from our reading and it is often the children who model for us the forgotten art of play.
Ahhh, emotions. When I was growing up, the only emotion “allowed” by my family of origin was “niceness”. We all subtly learned that we could not be angry or sad or upset or euphoric. What do you think happens in families such as this? The emotions that are not able to be expressed need to go somewhere, so they get turned inward or they get stuffed down and what can result is depression, anxiety, substance and all other types of abuse. What did you learn from your family of origin? What do you want your kids to learn about emotions?
Spirituality perhaps is one of the most misunderstood holistic elements. What I understand spirituality to mean is a sense of “a power greater than ones self”, a sense of awe, a sense of profound joy and love. In our family, we simply call this “the love spirit”. Since our kids were very little, the night before a special holiday, they would all snuggle up together in one of their bedrooms for a pj party, it is kind of a family ritual. In every case, the “love spirit” comes to visit. The love spirit is also present in the midst of an argument, when one of us remembers to simply stop and say “I love you”. I freely admit that the “love spirit” is way smarter and stronger than me and as a parent, as long as I remember this, and we can all freely say I love you to each other, our family stays healthy.
I want to tell you a story of how one other family so beautifully weaves in all the elements of a healthy holistic family. My dear friends, recently adopted two kids, a brother and sister (ages 18 months and 7 years). The kids have the same mom but different dads. The kids are of aboriginal origin from their mom; the little girl’s dad is Latino and the little boy’s dad is Asian. Granted part of the “healthy family” work is required by the adoption process, however, the family has created a cultural plan to support their kids to learn about their ethnic roots, they have created a health plan to attend to the physical and nutritional needs of the family, they use natural and earth friendly products in their home, they have collectively discussed what is important to the family in terms of virtues and how they wish to spend their time. When I last saw them, it was clear that they were all blossoming and that the love spirit was happily a part of their family.
A resource that our family has found incredibly helpful and which I would like to recommend is the book entitled:
The Family Virtues Guide: Simple Ways to Bring Out the Best in Our Children and Ourselves by Linda Kavelin Popov, Dan Popov, and John Kavelin
This is not a book about traditional family values, the authors define values as being culture specific, rather it is a book about virtues, which are non-culture specific and are defined as characteristics valued as promoting individual and collective well-being. (Source: Wikipedia)
Another book, which also sounds good but which I have not yet read personally is:
Rainbow Family Values: A Family Formation Guide for Lesbian and Gay Couples by Michael S. Piazza
In summary, what I believe and trust is that you and your wonderful family has wisdom and knowledge and love and that you can and will find your way through all the parenting adventures that come your way. I am here to support you and look forward to sharing the journey with you.
So, in service of you and growing a healthy holistic family, here is some homework or should I say home play for you and your family:
- Create your own definition of a holistically healthy family considering the four elements of mind, body, spirit and emotions. Draw a picture or create a poster of your healthy family.
- Over time and with the input of your kids, design your families guiding principles, those agreements that form the foundation of your family’s “love spirit”.
- Ask and answer, “how will I know when my family or a member of my family is out of balance”?
Most importantly, remember to say “I love you” to every family member every day!
It has been a pleasure to share this article with you and I hold the vision of your family thriving and blossoming.
namaste,
Zoey
About Zoey:
“I am the mom of three daughters in their teens and early twenties, I’m a life partner, a yogini, a hippy and a certified life & business coach and I would love to support you on your parenting adventures with all the ups and the downs. I am also the owner of the Hippy Grandma Eco-Boutique, which I started as a way of supporting some of my women entrepreneur coaching clients and to make a positive difference in the world!
I am passionate about working with all kinds of parents and all kinds of parenting challenges.
I bring over 20 years health care experience to my coaching and have been coaching full time for over 6 six years. If you feel that you would like extra support with your parenting, please contact me and I would love to help you grow a healthy family!”
Zoey Ryan, BSc., PCC
life & business coach for women
inspiration * clarity * wisdom * enchantment
604-323-3700
